Nobody Cares

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I must be doing something wrong. Must have run dry the jar of luck. Behind the glass lies a Narnia, My juices should be over flowing with excitement, i should be adventurous and walk right through in anticipation of all the new challenges the world has yet to offer. But I stand and linger. Maybe it is the look in the eyes of them refection. That girl knows more than she’s letting on, has she been keeping secrets from me again? She knows something! I am no Olivia Pope but I know when to trust my gut, this makes me want to double check my options. My optimism that never runs dry like the river between seems to be harboring a middle Eastern visitor. I can feel it draining away leaving me with a kind of emptiness I haven’t felt in a while. I want to thin I am overthinking this but I’d also like to think I’m a gladiator; and gladiators fight and die with honor not false hope and failed attempts to twist fate to our own happy endings.

Crossroads. None appealing whatsoever. Not a time to make mistakes but how else will you ever know? Try to numb out everything remotely human, allow the hand of depression you been keeping at bay to caress your thoughts and whisper sweet nothings to your shallow hollow soul or what is left of it. Make a deduction that renders everyone else insignificant, the world a mere experiment, your life reduced to mere chase moves (the losing side) Ask yourself why you need to make an effort anymore- nobody notices even! Laugh hysterically at your own insignificance in this big endless pointless game. What do you expect at the end of the road? a big hug and chunk of ice cream? Clueless!! Take the road, don’t take the road, Ignore your gut- you don’t have Quinn to run it by, step into Narnia and let the winds of fate have fun with the newest believer or stare at your own reflection until everything falls into place. I don’t know man, Nobody really cares!

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Announcing the #Writivism2018 Festival Dates and Team

Writivism

We are now a month into 2018 and now seems a good time as any to announce the 2018 Writivism Festival dates. The 6th edition of Uganda’s top literary festival will take place between August 17th and 19th, 2018 in Kampala. Following last year’s festival where we celebrated our fifth anniversary and the triumphs of the foundational years, the 2018 festival will act as an opportunity to consolidate gains and set the tone for the next 5 years of Writivism. Preparations are already underway and the festival theme will be announced in April 2018.

There is a new management that is in charge of the festival and other programmes of the Writivism Literary Initiative. Since September, 2017, Mr. Roland Byagaba, has been working as a sole Director of the initiative. Byagaba is the founder of Muwado, a social networking platform with a focus on Africa. He has worked with

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YOU

hateful

She sticks around. Waiting. Hoping. Guessing. She’s not the kind who takes chances, but she did. Took a risk, an un calculated one at that. Walked right into the mud, hoping to make a beautiful statue out of it, to be the girl that untangles that mess that’s become YOU.

You spoke, she read between the lines. You gave her the life she wanted and promised her dick eternal, she humbled herself, down played her role, ate from the wrong bowl, hang in places she’d rather not, developed traits of an early 40 year old… slipping into the landslide that is YOU

She’s lost. She cares about things that aren’t important, prioritizes bad movies and sad songs because that’s as close as she’ll get to romance. Wishes she’d made a different choice, chose a best friend over financial stability. Love over convenience, emotion over the rush, a train wreck that is YOU.

You lied. She believed you, or she wanted to, or she still does. Unsure whether to un love you, start a new life, build her broken image of men in general. Pulled by a peculiar magnetism no one understands, by a comfortableness that eases me not. Sooner or later, she gotta leave YOU.

The Hunted. 

He came to me to prove a point. That his friends weren’t saying the right shit, or doing enough. It was a project, a challenge, a test. To confirm that it doesn’t take much. Talking a good game and saying all that shit he thought I wanted to hear. Assuming  cool was good enough, assuming his acquitance with Cindy was all he needed. After all, impressing a girl wasn’t so hard for him. Before.

But then, what was the fuck boy’s brilliant mind not telling him? Why did he disregard all his friend’s effort? But then, why think he even thought about it. It was probably a Sunday afternoon high that inspired the move.  “Yo! Yo! I’m gonna show you fuckers how it’s done!” I bet he said  and they laughed it off, because “bitch crazy” as they’d come to conclude.

So he came. Made nice. Made all the wrong moves I’d come to associate with every fuck boy. Tagged me in random pictures of  his people I didn’t care to know, lectured me about having a life and how life is too short. Ha ha…  Yeah, tell me something I don’t already know!  Invited me to shit parties and puff offs. Nuh, not that kind of girl.

It was time to change tactic. Be a sucker. Come through just to hang out, open up to me (for that I appreciate) call just to check if I’m doing okay and all that shit guys do to get laid. He didn’t think he was. Let’s not hold that against him. Proving a point at this point might have been pinned. Or so thought.

Sorry, gotta go. Continue later

Looking for the middle finger 

Being stuck in traffic really gets the three voices in your head spiraling. It’s come to this, making me feel feelings I never felt before. Missing more the little yet intensely fulfilling moments we spent together. Craving the expected, yet interestingly butterfly flaps that engulfed my stomach every time we touched. Missing the idea of looking forward to a weekend because then it doesn’t feel as empty as it does now.

Not just looking for attention, not that I’ve suddenly become a selfish jealous bitch, but simply love the feeling that only a text from you seems to awaken in my still recovering soul. If only you knew. You’d text me all the time. Talk about anything until we can only emoji text. We both know I love that anyway 😊

Fuck what I think, I tend to let that get the best of me, clouding me, the voices drive a hard bargain, making me choose me over me’s happiness. I ask this of you, Make me learn to take a leap and float in the essence emanating from you. Fuck that bitch you smile at on a daily, you better know she ain’t me. She better not take your kindness for weakness or should i have said infatuation.?? I would not want to lose my cool, but (in the words of queen Bee) I would fuck me up a bitch!!. Where’s that middle finger emoji when you need it??

Nuh, it’s not over yet. It’s only temporary. Whatever happens, you got me. (again, in the words of queen Bee) they don’t love you like  do. So, don’t hurt yourself 😋😋

I guess, in my own twisted way, what I’m trynna say is “I fucking love your ass. A lot.”

All in my head 

Nothing is that bad, if it feels good. Nothing feels wrong, if it’s right. It’s the choice we take when represented with the said. Knowing and not knowing or knowing and procrastinating what’s bound to happen. Or having something and realizing it was probably just the pirate rush of the chase that kept you right on the edge. But is that for everything? Or do you sometimes, look, find and settle?

I guess everything isn’t for everyone. Reminiscing about the time when it was just me and the three idiots in my head. Conceptualizing even the simplest ideologies and wondering where Mashonda went. Taking chances on the most thought through choices because sheltering was all we could do better. In this cruel cruel world. Or that was still, just all in my head.

And then there’s a day, I wake up and decide to make the most of what I got, live life to the fullest, make friends, hang out because well, I would not want to say – everyone else my age is doing it but it’s pretty much the only reason I got right now. Anyway, this doesn’t normally last long. But the bad decisions I make lasts unnecessarily long, which affects my peace of mind, my creativity and love life. When you think about it, it’s not really worth it now, is it?? Hence the constant zone outs I’ve come to find both comforting and rejuvenating.

I don’t even know what that was all about. Just sort of came out once I started typing.

Ohhh Hot guy just sat next to me.Later bitches!  😊😊

Why is everything so heavy?

 

Have you watched the Back to the Future trilogy? I have, courtesy of my annoyingly close version of my 57th dimension doppelganger ziyalogy.wordpress.com (click for more insightful, brilliant and yet equally meaningless write ups – later, when you done with this) Anyway, in these movies, especially in the first one, (made in 1985) a teenager (Marty) is taken back in time to 1955, (when his old crazy friend Dr. Emmett is killed) where he encounters his parents in high school and almost accidentally phases himself out of existence when his mother starts to fall for him instead of his father and bla bla bla. (I feel like i even lost myself) Who am i kidding, i’m not good at this!! Just get the damn movies and watch them. Trust me, you’ll like them.

What was the point of all this? Oh Yeah, HEAVY! In 1955, he meets with a younger version of his crazy doctor friend (Dr. Emmett) to help him get back to he future (his future anyway) and Marty, like any teenager who is not as much interested in the science as much as the result of the science finds everything in 1955 fascinating. He constantly breathes “This is heavy!” until Dr. Emmett asked why everything in the future is heavy? The 2017 version of this would be “LIT” which i guess would make Dr. Emmett wonder why everything in this year is set on fire. Oh God, why am i still doing this? Seriously get them movies.

I still don’t understand why writers and producers assume that the future will have flying cars and shit like that – also over populated (you notice that?). Maybe it will be. But that’s not how i see the future, I actually think man will have gone back to the more primitive native characteristic, no technology, just pretty islands and shit- okay, i envision an Eden kind of setting. Now, before you spiral, hear me out. We shall be sharing homage with Mars, that’s for sure, so definitely this rules out the over population and this will give a chance to Earth to rejuvenate into the beautiful unscathed planet it once was. Also, i have a feeling the rich, sophisticated and smart minds will re locate to Mars leaving Earth with well, the rest of us. Hence… you get where i am going with this.

Anyway, don’t over think this theory. All of us will not be able to see this, our grand children’s grand children might. And their word for heavy and Lit will probably be worse than everything we’ve come up with already.

Those who have watched Rick and Morty (Also a must watch- also a recommendation from Ziyalogy) will have de javus here and there. The story in the story is, well, the story. So, this weekend seems to pretty covered for you already. Don’t come to me, don’t got it! But whatever you do, look for it and prepare to breath ‘Heavy’ Every. Fucking. Scene.

Want some more? 

It’s not that hard. I’ve watched enough movies to know anyone can pull it off. Yeah, I’m off, it’s going to be a reap off. You need to backle down, because I’m coming around, it’s going to be one of those weekends you wish you believed in Miracles, because it’s a million dollar hole and it’s no place for no gold digger. Feeling emancipated to be absolutely liberal with every contour that makes that which I’ve come to appreciate and hand pick, no tricks, don’t be a prick and let’s get that freak on.

Your favorite red heels, not afraid to catch feels, My new found confidence, give you something to reminisce about. I should take you where you should be taken, I should let you stand on the grail, it’s going to be a blood sacrifice, the whole of you in exchange for me. Let go, look at the bigger picture, come, come to a realization!!

As the fog clears out, the chests heave to force oxygen down the heavy lungs, clumped intertwined in utter lazy (I can’t find the right diction). Look into the future and there’s only one picture that fits perfectly. My mean ass magnetism has just the right pull to draw you away from them overrated bitches. Challenge you to make more than the bar hop choices, pick the breakfast in bed over the coherent hangovers, pick the morning ‘Meetings’ even though we both know – we both not morning people. 😂 😂

I love you awesome Nerd! 😍😍😍

Q & A

Lately, ​I find it hard understanding a lot of things.

The life anyone should live is a self worshipping life, to make oneself happy and better and in most cases, this is in contradiction to what the rest of the world expects of you. Also, it’s not a bad thing entirely to give thought to what they think about you, when you actually think about it, they’re projecting a better version of you. Sometimes because they truly believe you could be that person. 

I get that a lot, people meet me for the first time and it’s like they see a version of myself I didn’t even know existed. Smart, intelligent, beautiful, kind, none judgmental (okay maybe not the last one). Ultimately, she’s probably in there inactive. The person I decide to put out there is a person I think will project me as strong, independent, free. Because I choose who I want me to be, but is that really all? 

Learning to let go is a concept I’m yet to grasp. Wanting something and not having it is something I don’t handle quite well. This is not because I’m some spoiled brat who has had shit handed to her all her life, it’s actually the opposite – that I’ve reached at a point where I try my best to have what I want and need as I simultaneously work on my indecisiveness. Yeah, the procrastination has led to me losing a few things I would have preferred to selfishly have because not everyone has the time to stick around let you figure shit out, but I take it as a lesson and believe there are better opportunities ahead. 

I try to look at myself as my own competition. Comparing me to me. Keeping score. I think it’s way better healthy competition because of the obvious reason – I’m the same person and I’m not going to be petty about things like, why is she smarter or cooler, or better looking, or why did he pick her and not me you know!! Self competition helps me get me better, I challenge myself, I become stronger and independent. 

I think the best way to get in life is to set priorities in a way that best suits you. It don’t matter the expectation of 12 yr old you, or the family that seems to come together only in good times, or the friends that don’t seem to realize that they’re adults now, or the guy who let you go because of whatever reasons he had. Setting priorities gets you going. The right way. 

So, to answer your first question : You can never compare Pirates of the Caribbean with Resident Evil. 


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