INT (SCENE 1)
Jesca is dressed in blue baggy shorts and men white vest, listening to Spice girls’ “Wanna Be” singing and dancing along off beat. It’s a two bed roomed apartment in the suburbs of Kampala in early 2017.
VOICE OVER: (For no reason whatsoever, assume it is in Sofia Vergara’s voice) That is me, Jesca without an I, everybody calls me Jess with a double S. I spend my afternoons the best way anyone single and un employed can. Lip singing to old school music. I graduated from university last year. Degree in Human Resource management – Total waste!! I stay with my forever best friend Sandie, she works at KASSI Studio – some big time recording studio. I go there sometimes to sit in for her when she skips work, honestly I don’t think her bosses can tell the difference. But not today or ever again. I’m Focusing on me now, first on the to do list – Get a Job.
There’s a knock on the door, Jess half choreographs to open. It’s the landlord. A middle aged Moslem man with a mind stuck in his early 20’s.
Jess: “Hey, landlord! Happy New Year!” She feigns excitement. She knows exactly why he’s here.
Landlord: “I’m sure it’ll be, after you clear the rent for this month, you know you have to pay before the month starts” He says sternly
Jess: “Yes, of course I know we are late but please just give us until the end of this week.” Things have not been going well for the girls financially.
Landlord: “From what I see, you have two options. Get a boyfriend or get a job, actually when you think about it, it’s just one option. Get a boyfriend … I’m currently open for business you know…we can make an arrangement and we shall never have such uncomfortable conversations again.”
Jess: “I hardly think the two are synonymous but I promise, one week and we shall clear” She gives him the innocent pleading look.
Landlord: “One week, or you’re property is on the street”
Jess: “I understand, thank you, you’re the best landlord ever!”
Landlord: “My offer is still on the table, If you change your mind” Wink
Jess: “Understood” She hurries to shut the door and wipe that visibly fake smile off her face, sighing in wonder on what to do next.
VOICE OVER: (Again, for absolutely no reason, assume it’s Sofia Vergara’s voice) No, I don’t understand. Why does life have to be this complicated? Nobody prepares you for this shit, being a grown up most definitely isn’t as fancy as the grownups make it look. I miss the days when all I worried about was whether my boots matched my top or if I had Chris Brown’s latest album on my playlist?
Jess throws herself on the couch with a deep sigh.
Jess: “I need to get me a job”
She spends the rest of the afternoon calling up family and friends for any job opportunities, places she did her internships formerly, browsing the net and drafting the C.V ready to hit the streets job hunting. In the evening she receives a call from Sandie.
Sandie: “Hey Girlfriend” With her sing song annoyingly always happy voice
Jess: “Hey what’s up?”
Sandie: “Are you free this evening? Rhetorical question. Of course you are. There’s this new hang out opening in town and we are going. Get ready, I’ll pick you up in 30. You’re coming, Right?”
Jess: “That rhetorical too??”
Sandie: “Erghhhh (buzz sound).. Wrong answer. Last chance”
Jess: Rolling eyes conceding “I’ll be ready.”
Sandie: “That’s my girl! See you in a few. Later”
For an ordinary girl, 30 minutes aren’t enough to get ready for an evening out, not Jess. A 5 minute shower, simple plain black dress, similarly dull colored pumps, the standard red cheap lipstick and she’s good to go. Sandie is however here earlier than agreed time and with one analytical sweep over her, she shakes her head. Okay look, Jess is clearly not the type that over thinks her outside appearance in any way other than just that-appearance. Sandie on the other hand is a girly girl, in other words outside appearance is a weapon-of Mass Attraction.
Sandie: “Girlfriend, we are going out, to a new classy hang out opening on a Thursday night” She dramatically pauses
Jess: “Is that supposed to mean something to me?” She asks, confused.
Sandie: “Classy, young, good looking…scratch that—extremely good looking rich guys go out on Thursday. Why? Because it’s less crowded and they don’t have to worry about getting to work early tomorrow. Why? Because they’re the bosses or better yet self employed.” She looks at Jess self assuredly
Jess: “Again. Is that supposed to mean something to me?” Jess is obviously clueless
Sandie: “Two words my friend, two words. Potential investors”
Jess: “You mean boyfriends?”
Sandie: “That’s exactly what I said. Pay attention.”
Jess: “That isn’t what you….” She trails off because Sandie won’t stop talking until she makes her point.
Sandie: “So, my naïve friend, No look Irresistible-No get Investor. (In her un inspired fake Italian accent) Now, go put on something revealing”
Jess: “Sandie, we both know I have no such thing”
Sandie: “Right! I have just the thing. Come on, you’ll look amazing in it”
VOICE OVER: (You know the drill) Oh No! Not her dresses. Clearly she’s the opposite of me. That slim, sexy exotic look which btw happens naturally! I swear, this girl has never exercised in her life (well, sex not counted). Lucky Bitch!
Sandie helps her pick out a dress that represents the two of them, seductively revealing an innocent sweet decent way. This from Jess’s point of view is extremely the early 90’s.
… To be continued 😊😊😊